I'm trying to parse exactly what about Our Pal is driving so many of us to such feverish levels of observation. I suppose it's rare that the public is granted such unfettered access to the inner machinations of a lifeform just *barely* masquerading as a member of our species. His un-self-awareness is raw and unspoiled - a protozoic Id that's discovered locomotion, and drags and humps itself along from one warm and fertile cove to the next.
Sniff...paw. Sniff...grope. Sniff...paw...love meeeeeeeee!!! You no love meeeeee? Whyyy??? Baaad yoooouuuu! You wrong. Hate yooouuuuuuu!!!
Woe (and, natch, highly defective) is the woman who does not Pavlovionically slaver at his offers of seed and the associated succor. How dare she lead him on, so clearly indicating her interest in him by occupying the same public space as him, and not either actively vomiting upon him or being mid-coitus with another man? How dare she possess a vagina, knowing full well he has a penis, and not allow these accoutrement to interact? Why, she is gollydarned lucky that he's gentleman enough not to lumber in and physically claim what is so rightfully his!
What a magical speciman Our Pal is! We are truly fortunate to have this vantage point from which to observe, and I wriggle in anticipation of what he will gift us with next.
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I loved what you wrote. Seriously, he's like completely unfettered male. Might as well be a penis with legs. What I love is reading about some of the insecurities we all have about dating, yet he has them magnified by about 1000, and somehow, doesn't realize how pathetic it makes him. We all wonder if someone we like is going to call us back after a date etc. or could be "the one", but he actually ASKS. And not only that, after knowing someone for an hour, is this leading to marriage? Kids? Has this worked for him before? It's almost sad then, because like the Pavlovian dog you mention, it will keep him coming back for more, those infrequent times he actually gets some attention.
Anyway, I want his rebuttal! He must know by now the wrath he has unleashed on the internets.
And who is the Charleston girl, and what kind of mental problem must she have to fornicate with him?
I don't know about completely unfettered male so much as completely demented.
From A.O. Scott's review of Wirey Spindell, yet another of the film trainwrecks this guy made about a character that is basically himself:
"My problem is that I'm a man," he explains, by way of preface. This is a slander against half the human race. His problem is that he's Wirey Spindell. It's also Tabatha's problem. And if you see this movie, it will be yours.
I think the "slander against half the human race" line is on the money. Among the more offensive bits of ES's shtick is his continually pinning his behavior on the fact that he's a man. It's misandrist, it's misogynist, and it's just plain stupid.
I also recommend the Onion A.V. Club reviews, one of which features the line:
"Then there's this fucking movie."
You're right Devil, he's definitely more demented than male...but there is something about him that is like the worst possible combination of stereotypical male qualities. Namely, constant desperate need to get laid, complete lack of self-awareness, zero understanding of women.
He's published Part 3 of his Charleston girl tale. He has mercifully left out intimate details of the coupling, though it's gag-inducing nontheless. I'm not buying for a second any attractive woman without a mental infirmity would sleep with him. My favorite part, maybe:
"We were naked, under the covers in the middle of the day and we were talking about our fears. You want to talk about real? You wanna talk about guts? You wanna talk about being an adult? If you've ever tried it, you know, it's fucking intense, that's what it's all about."
Gee Eric, your foray into adulthood at the age of 45 is truly awe-inspiring. We should all aspire to attain the level of "realness" embodied in a desperate flight to meet a stranger for unseemly hotel room sex in the first hour of coming together.
I know who she is. I go to college with her. She talked about going to NY to see "Eric" on Facebook - now that post is gone. But there's always MySpace.
www.myspace.com/francescaslay
If that myspace link is really to the Charleston girl, she could do so so so much better.
Yes, she could do better. And yet, look at her motto:
"compelled by calamity's magnet"
That's some piercing self-knowledge there.
Also, SylviaPlathWasFramed is probably rather upset by all this.
I'm sure there is no lack of marginally intelligent young women for whom the fact that Eric Schaeffer made a movie with Sarah Jessica Parker is a source of fascination and attraction. These are the "Sex and the City" obsessed, you know who they are, and you probably hate them. And they obviously hate themselves if they find such an obvious woman-hater attractive. Also, they wouldn't know good writing if it bit them in the ass. They deserve what they get.
I will say, if I was 25 and some guy flew hundreds of miles to meet (translation: bang) me, I'd probably be moderately impressed.
ah, but if you read today's installment, it all ended in a torrent of tears and recriminations. this guy continually amazes me, there are no words.
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